so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
