all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
