So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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