it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
