fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
