Welp...herpes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
