Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
jump out the window naked night went bad
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
