another moral hangover. fuck.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
