Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
