Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
