38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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