If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
