I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
