I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
