benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
