I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
