If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
