I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
