you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
