How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
