Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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