I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
