i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
