I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
