i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
