Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
