i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We just shotgunned beers for America
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I forget how to act sober
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
