Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
