You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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