dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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