At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
