I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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