respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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