I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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