His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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