I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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