how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
