I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
