We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
