I faked an abortion last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
