My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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