cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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