just come out here and I will go home with you...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
