Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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