i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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