Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
