You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
