i already hear my dad disowning me
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
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