you would pick up someone in the library
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
