i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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