I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
