I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
