Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
