Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
