I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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